LADY UNIVERSE'S FEMINIST HOROSCOPES - SEPT ‘21

Buckle up, Sparklers, because Lady Universe has once again got a cosmic adventure for all of us this September. With the New Moon in Virgo bringing about routine and planning for the future, we’ve also got the third and final retrograde for Mercury this year, causing havoc from late September to mid-October. Gurl is in Libra too, which means we can’t get away with shit. 

ARIES:

This month is all about connecting with your SO or if you’re single, finding your new coven to chill with. Remember to give people time to understand your needs, however, not everyone moves at your bad gurl pace. Heads up, work is going to suck this month too, so ride it out and don’t overthink it, the planets will have your back a little later on. 

TAURUS:

You’re a bad bitch, own it. This month has your back when it comes to going after what you want. Keep this in mind when it comes to romance, but also remember you don’t want a partner that mirrors your every thought and action, embrace the differences. For those of you in relationships, why not try something new this month. Roleplay? Sex toys? Whatever tickles your metaphorical pickle, as long as it’s consensual (and legal), the world is your sexual oyster. 

GEMINI:

Some good news and bad news. The good news for those of you in relationships is you and your partner are going to work well together this month. The bad news is that there will be lots of challenges thrown your way to test that teamwork - share those domestic responsibilities yall! For singletons, it ain’t much better, the drought will be long and dry this month. Treat yourself to a new sex toy to ease the pain. 

CANCER:

Drop the kids off at the grandparents, lock the door and remember to stay hydrated Cancerians because according to the universe you’re going to be porking all month long. Good thing too as apparently work might be a bit of a bitch this month. Thank gawd you’ve got all that S-E-X to help you blow off some steam, am I right?

LEO:

I don’t want to big anything up but basically, everything is going to rock for you this month. Relationships, family, work, health, it’s all good baby. Make sure you appreciate these good times though, lady universe might turn around and bitch slap you next month, so enjoy the easy ride while it’s here. 

VIRGO:

Listen, if you were hoping work was going to be the highlight of your month you may have to wait another few weeks or so. But the good news is that family and relationships are looking pretty cushty. And if you’re on the hunt for lovin’, buckle up and always use protection as this could be your month. 

LIBRA:

It’s your season bitches so forking enjoy! Everything is looking like pie so go out and enjoy it. Take a risk in love, ask for that raise, make sure you treat yourself, the planets have got your back and the getting is going to be good.

SCORPIO:

Attention single Scorpios, the last week of September is your chance for lovin’, write that down. For those of you in a relationship, things are OK but don’t forget to compromise. Work and business are looking promising so make sure you sign that contract, host that meeting, and be the boss bitch you are. 

SAGITTARIUS:

The first two weeks are looking dicey for those in a relationship, so try to avoid conflict (or even better, each other). If you’re single, however, the planets are playing wing-woman this month, so go out there and get grafting. Work isn’t looking bad either, so if new opportunities arise, now is the time to go for it. 

CAPRICORN:

Got a new biz idea?! Now is the time to make it a reality. The planets have your back in this area, and they’re investing their cosmic goodness all up in your business. Love is looking a little sketchy for both singles and loved-ups, so stay vigilant until the end of the month until the love fest starts.

AQUARIUS:

I don’t want to start anything, but the planets are saying that your next partner is already a friend. OHHH SHIT!! Cosmic bomb drop! If you’re already coupled up, September is going to be hot, bae. Health and career don’t look bad either, you know. 

PISCES:

This month is all about communication for Pisceans. Talk to your SO, chat up the hotties at the bar (if they’re interested obvs, no harassing please), and schedule that important meeting with your boss. This month is all about using your communication skills to advance all areas of your life. Thank me later. 

Written by Lady Universe